Have you ever walked into a room and known exactly what’s really happening without saying a word? In this episode of Yuwab, host Saeed Alghafri dives into the essential leadership skill of reading the room. He shares personal stories and tips on how to understand the dynamics in meetings, negotiations, and presentations without speaking, emphasizing mindfulness, observation, and energy awareness to lead effectively. The episode highlights the pitfalls of not reading the room and the power of patience and presence in influencing outcomes.
What You’ll Learn in This Episode
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Thank you for joining this insightful journey into the art of reading the room. Remember, true leadership is not just about what you say, but how well you understand the silent messages around you. Practice observing more, speaking less, and responding mindfully to unlock your full influence potential.
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Until next time, take care and keep mastering the silent language of success!
(0:00) Most of the people prepare very well and have the arguments and all that and then walk away (0:06) from the room without achieving what they want. You're missing the silent conversations that (0:11) happens around you within that room. It's not about talking, it's about delivering the right (0:20) message.
You know when we read the room much more better without saying a word, we can walk to any (0:27) space with the confidence that we should create an impact. (0:37) Marhaba and how's it going everyone and welcome back to you. I'm your host Saeed Alghafri.
(0:43) Listen in Yuwab we always keep it real, no BS involved. If you're here it tells me that (0:50) you have clarity and growth as a priority in your life and everything in between and that's why I (0:57) am here. I'm here to guide you through my experience as a CEO, a C-suite and a well-being (1:03) executive coach.
I understand your concerns and this is our journey to basically improve ourselves. (1:10) One more thing, if you're new here, special welcome and thanks whoever shared this episode (1:18) with you and let us basically continue to share this episode with someone who really needs it. (1:24) There are a lot of people there that require our support and our guidance. (1:32) Today's episode is something that I really enjoy doing and overdoing as well some of the time. (1:42) It's one of those skills that leaders really underrate and it is basically the ability for (1:51) you to walk in any room, whether it's a boardroom, a team huddle or a client pitch or a very (1:58) difficult negotiation and understand exactly what's really happening without saying a word. (2:06) Just reading the dynamics of what is really happening and this one is not about something (2:13) magical, it's all about reading the room very well and it's all about awareness and being (2:22) mindful and trust me when you master this skill you can adapt instantly, influence and really (2:32) lead with confidence.
Now this is one of the things that I spent a lot of time observing (2:41) in the beginning and I've learned a lot from attending a lot of negotiations from my commercial (2:50) experience. I mean I'm talking about multi-million dollar contracts, sometimes even complex (2:57) settlements. Even when you go to the board to ask for something it's really not an easy discussion.
(3:05) So what I see is that most of the people prepare very well and have the arguments and all that and (3:13) then walk away from the room without achieving what they want. Why? Because they haven't read (3:19) the room very well. So let's really see what it takes to do this better.
Now the first thing is (3:28) and it's really obvious is that people miss what is said. You know I always or anyone, (3:38) you can't really read what's in the back of their mind and this is where it's important to read (3:44) what's really the room's sentiments are. In business usually when you go into a negotiation (3:51) you don't have a second chance or a third chance, you may have, but it's important to do your (3:57) homework very well and read the room and test it very well.
Now what happens is that most of the (4:08) people undermine the body language in the room and also they undermine the tone of the people (4:16) speaking and you know there are those micro expressions that you miss and the energy (4:22) between people. I mean a lot of people when they're really not present and mindful they are (4:28) really not focused. You will see them very much focused on solving the problem in a negotiation (4:33) and that's not it, that's really not it.
And even when you go to a presentation or a keynote speech (4:40) they just want to deliver that presentation and I see that from a lot from people delivering (4:46) technical papers. Now I know that you're there to do that but you are really missing a lot, (4:54) you're missing the silent conversations that happens around you within that room. Now let (5:00) me share with you a story.
This guy, one of the guys that we had I remember, intelligent guy, (5:08) honestly, technically one of those guys that I really enjoyed working with and I learned a lot (5:14) from a technical point of view, solid. One of the people that doesn't come to you or anyone else (5:21) without doing their homework very well, better than anyone else. I remember one time we had to (5:29) go sell a project.
Now what happened is that this project was very much needed by the other party (5:36) so they needed it anyway so it's really sold to be honest with you. But he really missed out (5:42) how to read people in that meeting honestly. What happens is that he delivered the note in a way (5:52) where it really irritated the other party and it really showed that they are in need for it. (5:59) Now the other party expressed and I was watching a lot of body language where I was trying to (6:05) basically point out to that thing but honestly it was too late. What happened ultimately is that we (6:13) were dismissed and we could not really win that project because there were small details that (6:21) that person did not pay attention to. And it honestly reached a point where he was very much (6:28) frustrated why people are not listening to him in the meeting.
And he was starting to question them (6:35) and putting them on stage for why are you ladies not listening to me. (6:42) It doesn't work this way sometimes even if they need it they just sometimes it's not like project (6:48) which you won already. You have to understand the person who's in front of you.
Let me tell you what (6:54) Another person went. This guy walked in and honestly he spent very little to explain to them (7:05) the project. He knew when we walked in that the people are not happy.
So instead of really justifying (7:11) what really went through that meeting he spent 60 percent or even 70 percent of the time (7:18) assuring them the importance of the project and what is basically why they should go for it (7:23) etc. Honestly and then the remaining when we started talking about the project and what it (7:31) means they were like you know what no need to explain it we've gone through the deck and we (7:34) understand let's go and have lunch. See the difference? Honestly you spend very little (7:41) to convince them that this project is needed because you as a person that person which I (7:47) really admire knew how to read the dynamics and that all. So how could you be a human reader? (7:57) You know I see a lot of people that love to speak more than listening and observing. (8:05) So learn this before you speak. You know you need to see first what's really happening.
(8:13) All right so the first thing here is watch the energy flow. Honestly see when you go to a meeting (8:20) or let's say you're delivering a keynote speech presentation etc. Just see the energy flow and how (8:27) it is.
Trust me we all have the urge to speak. I mean honestly we are meant to speak more than (8:35) listening. Most of us.
Most of us. Trust me very difficult very difficult. For now don't speak.
(8:43) Observe. Look at the room. Let's say you're in a meeting.
Who is the person whom when he or she is (8:51) speaking people are looking to them? What do people look for when it comes to approvals? (9:01) Very important. Analyze for the time being. Look around.
Look at the energy. Look at people. (9:09) Maybe ask from your neighbor what happens when this happens. Observe the energy. Very important. (9:17) The second thing here is when you observe the energy usually there are body languages that we (9:24) miss.
You know crossed arms. When let's say someone speaks you lean forward or you lean back. (9:34) Someone who's really tapping the pen like that or someone who's really shaking their legs.
(9:39) Oh my god this tells you a lot. This tells you a lot in my opinion. Or someone who's basically (9:45) raising their eyebrows up and like that or their eyes popping when you say something.
(9:49) So watch out for that. Trust me when you do that you will understand (9:53) what is really happening. And this is the third point here is very important because these are (9:58) micro reactions that you should catch all the time.
And when you do that it really reveals (10:05) who is an alliance and who is having a doubt with you. Let me share with you a story. (10:14) This is a guy that I think is the best I've seen in my life (10:23) when it comes to reading the dynamics in a company.
Honestly very skilled. Very skilled. (10:33) In the first three to four weeks everyone was saying that this guy is useless because honestly (10:39) he wasn't speaking very much.
But you know what he was doing? He was aligning in private with (10:47) people in the room. So the people in the room knew that he wouldn't speak because he was aligning (10:52) with them outside the room. But honestly what he was doing in the room he was observing each one (11:01) and writing down exactly who is this person, what fuels them, what do they want and what do (11:09) they like and how their energy is.
How amazing is that? After I think six or eight weeks the guy (11:20) delivered what another guy couldn't deliver in years. Do you know why? Because the guy understood (11:32) how the energy and how the approvals are sought in the business and he became the star of the (11:40) business. Everyone was saying like this guy is the guy that he is the superstar etc.
(11:48) Do you see what is happening? You know honestly I was like how could a guy who doesn't who speaks (11:55) less although I like listening a lot I mean I'm very much of a listener but this guy literally (12:01) did not speak. It's just unbelievable really unbelievable and ultimately he created a huge (12:09) impact. I mean honestly I've learned a lot from this guy and I couldn't really stay silent.
I (12:19) went to him and said you know what you're just amazing buddy and he just laughed and left. So (12:25) reality here is this is basically what happens when you basically know what's happening in the (12:32) business. The third thing here is you know you should be reading and responding in real times (12:39) and this is very important. Now these are three things that you should do to basically to go (12:46) around it and again remember the story that I told you the guy and that's basically what he (12:53) was doing. The first thing here step number one don't speak pause let's say now someone is speaking (13:00) to me pause for the time being or let's say I'm supposed to speak and again what I'm trying to (13:09) explain to you you should do it very fast very fast because when you are in a situation you are (13:18) you have to respond very quick but again when you train when you practice you're just going to be (13:25) automatically doing it without even noticing. The first thing is watch for yourself what I'm talking (13:31) about there are emotions and body gestures that we don't really notice.
For example let's say that (13:40) someone asked me an intimidated question a question that I really don't like what will happen to me (13:46) you will see that my heart is racing and it's just beating just beating these are stuff that you (13:53) don't notice by the way or maybe you're shaking your legs so bad to the point that you're just (14:00) having an earthquake around you these are small stuff that when you have it it tells that you're (14:06) just going to mess up when you respond so watch out for these. Now if that's not the case okay (14:15) awesome great now but reality here is you are going to be always in a situation where you have (14:24) to basically answer there's no way out so my advice to you here is don't rush into speaking (14:35) all right now this is important you are in a meeting and something someone is asking a question (14:43) maybe not addressed to you don't really jump into answering that question give it maybe a five or (14:49) ten minute seconds scan the room understand what is happening this really helps a lot you know (14:57) now what I explained to you right now is just now testing and seeing and exploring the room (15:04) you haven't really spoken yet I'm sure now you'll be like Saeed what the hell is this man (15:11) I mean does it really take all this for us to address a question honestly yes because when you (15:20) are much more present when you bring mindfulness into yourself you are going to be very much (15:28) ready to answer any questions so it's very important as step number one to understand (15:36) what's really happening within you and watching out for your emotions the second thing here is (15:41) and I see the second step is match your move before even you're shifting again you're not (15:49) responding yet I'd like you to be patient with you for the time being now you saw everyone (15:57) all right you tested the room and how it feels is it really tensed is it is everyone exhausted (16:05) is everyone waiting for me to answer you need first to meet that energy all right why is that (16:17) important because you're trying to establish trust now breaking that trust requires you to bridge (16:26) before you answer a question maybe the room now requires that you crack a joke maybe I don't know (16:35) because when you do that it just shifts the energy you understand the energy now you're (16:41) shifting the energy to a point where you're delivering the message or maybe you should (16:47) remind everyone how great we are as a team maybe we need to bring that confidence back and that's (16:54) what I'm talking about or maybe things are out of control and you need to bring things to order (17:01) you want to be strict this is what I mean by matching that energy when you do that (17:09) then you'll be able to understand what tone to have all right step number three now it's about (17:19) talking and again it's not about delivering the message or the solution yet now when you basically (17:27) now understand what tone to deliver okay maybe you will be like uh should we have a much more (17:37) better time okay to talk about this later now again when you say that maybe you've read the (17:45) dynamics you understand what's happening you know the energy in the team and then you feel like (17:49) probably it's a topic for another day you know I'm sure you like Saeed you took us through step (17:56) number one step number two and we're like finally we're gonna talk yeah but again reality here is I (18:04) know we love talking but it's not about talking it's about delivering the right message and sometimes (18:14) it's important and it's much more better to acknowledge the message and what needs to be done (18:21) than speaking directly or indirectly (18:27) now let me tell you something you know when you go to a dentist you have to open up your mouth (18:33) you have no other choice but to open your mouth but when it comes to meetings negotiations (18:40) specific things a difficult question that is as that that someone is asking you to do (18:46) then it's better to be always very much patient and weigh your response let me tell you an example (18:52) of what I mean your response could be something like you know what I understand what's really (19:00) happening and this sounds like there is a lot on everyone's plate probably we should focus on (19:07) what's really important today and perhaps take a break convene and come back and finish the other (19:14) stuff you see what I'm saying you from this statement you've really read that the team now (19:20) requires to probably go out take a break refresh and come back because you've got a lot that the (19:28) team needs to go through and you've got only 60 minutes maybe or maybe one day or whatever the (19:31) case is or it could be I mean usually I know this because I've attended a lot of keynote speeches (19:39) you'd be like you know I know that this sounds boring or it could sound detailed allow me a few (19:46) minutes to go through this and then we're going to go through the fun part you see how you balance (19:52) the statement where you kept people engaged and aligned you know I attended a lot of conferences (20:01) and events and let me share with you this story this is a guy and I know you know when you go to (20:09) conferences after lunch after having a lunch people come to the room very much heavy they just (20:16) want to go for a nap they're really not in the mood they're just tired just tired and they have (20:23) this guy delivering a technical topic what do you think will happen people will just sleep (20:29) now this guy I've learned a lot from him indirectly and I recall how you know what he did (20:37) he had I think one hour and honestly he spent the first 45 minutes connecting with people (20:46) although he was paid to deliver a keynote or a subject he spent the first 45 minutes (20:54) priming people making sure that they are engaged and connecting deeply with them and I saw that (21:02) from everyone everyone like wow that's just this guy's amazing and I was like come on the guy did (21:07) not even speak about the topic and then he spent the last 15 minutes delivering the message (21:14) and I was like oh my god how could someone do this how could someone do this but again reality (21:24) here is it's all about reading the room and understanding what the people want to hear (21:31) and then maybe when you do when you do that their brain is now primed in a way where the message (21:38) can get in in less than 15 minutes than an hour so I want to share with you some of the pitfalls (21:46) to avoid when you talk about when we talk about this specific subject (21:51) now sometimes what I see is that we over interpret body language what I mean by that is that you know (21:58) just analyze each body language doesn't mean why is he basically scratching his head or her head (22:05) and all that what's really important is to balance that with the context so process all that in the (22:14) back of your mind honestly it's a very quick thing that you do that you need to do in the (22:19) back of your mind processing this processing that processing this and that's why it's important to (22:25) do it all right sometimes the second thing here is when you force energy shifts too soon (22:34) and I know this very well because I'm one of those guys who sometimes crack jokes in meetings (22:44) when it's really not needed where I feel like humor is needed sometimes but it's really not (22:50) needed what happened is that it brings more resistance and I've learned this the hard way so (22:57) try to analyze if you need to move fast or slow when it comes to that (23:04) all right the third thing here is when you ignore your own presence (23:09) you know at the end of the day you're not just reading the room honestly you're not just reading (23:17) the room you're there because you're you're trying to make something much more meaningful (23:23) when it comes to delivering that specific message or getting away from a negotiation a very difficult (23:30) one where you can reach an outcome that is better for you and for the business that you work in (23:36) all right so as a recap the silent this is basically few things that we discussed that (23:43) you should keep in mind when you talk about how can you read the room much more better (23:48) the first thing here is observe before you speak the first thing I know we love speaking but don't (23:56) speak for now just observe the second thing here is no speaking yet watch who hold the invisible (24:03) influence remember the story of the guy that I told you about amazing he knew how to do it (24:10) the third thing here is once you do that then try to match the energy before speaking (24:17) look at the energy of the room and match that exact energy and if you need to shift try to do it (24:26) slow and avoid reading signals over when you basically have when you have a lot of signals (24:32) and you overread it sometimes it's really not to the benefit of it and you need to have (24:35) context around it all right and always remember to set the tone because you're trying to create (24:43) something meaningful why this is so important you know you know when we read the room much (24:51) more better without saying a word you know what that tells us it tells that it tells us that we (24:57) can walk to any space with the confidence that we should create an impact and this is not ego by (25:03) the way this is you trying to create an impact in the world and it's also important because you (25:10) you're gonna stop guessing what this person wants and I see this a lot the third thing here is you (25:16) stop talking past the real decision makers and this is very important and the last one is here (25:22) you start making better connections and this is what leadership is all about leadership is all (25:29) influencing and creating a better connection all right so before we close I want to leave you with (25:36) this you are isn't just a podcast it's a space intentionally created for you and for all of us to (25:43) grow we are all here to empower each each one of us with tools and stories because we want to have (25:50) that mind shift to unlock our full potential personally and at work as well you know we've (25:57) got this very simple mission where we want to reach a lot of minds like yours and also other (26:02) people to enlighten them and we actually want to make them do a bit much more better in life (26:09) this mission we cannot do it by ourselves and that's why it's very important for us to share (26:14) this episode and subscribe and that's the small ask that I ask you to do please share this message (26:21) with everyone that needs it and I promise you that we're building something much more meaningful (26:27) all right so until next time take care of yourself and those who you care about (26:32) Ma'a Salama